i remind myself that this little note isn’t a place of perfection, it is a practice. i recommitted to it specifically to get more comfortable with imperfection. to have a space to show up authentically, to make mistakes. to just be in creative action.
i sat down today to write about this moment in my relationship with my physical body. when i first sat down i felt nothing but that kind of full body tightness you get when you are trying to get something right but you just don’t have a clue how to. it was uncomfortable. i took a few breaths. i really, really, really like getting things right. its an attachment pattern i am still dancing with.
i went to see my integrative medicine doctor today. i did this as part of a commitment to creating time and space to support my own body in coming back into balance. my guess, based on all kinds of symptoms that have developed over the last year or two, is that i have some pretty legit hormone imbalance going on.
actually, the more women i talk to, both in my sessions and out and about in the world, the more i think there is kind of a women’s hormone imbalance epidemic going on. almost all women i talk to who are over the age of 35 have some kind of symptoms: intense mood fluctuations, hair loss, insomnia, heavy bleeding, fibroids, ovarian cysts, weight gain, skin problems and so on. and you know, we all feel like we have failed some how - that our out of balance bodies are a reflection of some failure, something we are getting wrong.
even myself. if i rewind to this morning talking to my doctor i did a lot of self-recrimination, under the cover of humor, which is a skill i am pretty great at. i pointed out that i have done a good job caring for others over the last years, but have not been as committed to noticing what i need and providing it. i reported this information as though that was my flaw, as thought i had come in to finally confess that i have failed - i haven’t been taking care of myself.
as i sit here now, i have a few other perspectives i’d like us to consider together. what if it isn’t my failing? what if each hormone imbalanced body is a sign or a symptom of imbalance on a grander scale? what if the expectations on a modern day woman are out of balance? what if i have been put in the position of being both the hunter and the gatherer for my little family for enough years that my body is in single focus strain overwhelm? what if, as i picked up for a woman i was sitting with the other day, actually our entire planet is out of balance - and we are having a shared somatic relationship with that planet while we are living this embodied life here - and so it is like swimming upstream to keep our tiny body systems running smoothly when the big over arching systems of balance and wellness are a mess?
i don’t say all this to elicit panic. i say it to remove the burden of the circulation of singular self blame that has us stressed and accountable. has us needing to fix yet another thing we believe we are getting wrong on a micro level. perhaps my hormones are out of balance and it isn’t all about me.
i mean really, how could it be?
are you also having symptoms of hormone imbalance? i’d love to share resources and stories. i know this is a deep topic, with many people sharing really remarkable information through books, social media, and their women’s health practices. i am not pretending i know how to fix it, i am simply wondering about stepping out of the mindset that it is a problem on the individual level, and looking at ways that we can acknowledge the collective experience. and perhaps collective practices that encourage and support our bodies and our spirits.
i'll start with a little list of some of the supplements, tinctures and books i have been exploring thus far. caveat, i have the lab orders to get a bunch of things looked at and as well as the saliva test kit for day 18. i am saying a prayer of love and commitment that i follow through on these initial steps and do the work of turning towards what is uncomfortable.
my current supplements and tinctures:
some of these suggestions came from my doctor, and some from the book The Hormone Cure, by Sara Gottfried, MD
note: i am linking these on amazon, because it is the site that seems to be working well right now. but i ordered everything through fullscript for significantly lower prices!
i'd love to hear from you if you're facing any kind of imbalance. maybe there is a way we can be all in it together.